Take This Job And Shove It

gcb2.gif (17947 bytes)

Diner

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

NAME:

Iam Applyin

DESIRED POSITION:

Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:

$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:

Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:

Target for middle-management hostility.

SALARY:

Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:

It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:

1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? :

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? :

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? :

Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? :

I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? :

I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE? :

Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? :

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm
the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that
now.

WHO DO WE CONTACT IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY? :

The nearest hospital comes to mind.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? :

No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE:

Sagitarian with Cancer rising.

You Are Visitor Number:

Garfield's Castle

"Take This Job And Shove It"

Site Best Viewed With

at 800x600 Resolution

This page last updated Saturday, September 25, 1999 05:30 PMReturn Home